I remember when I first started talking to you. Literally we couldn’t stop talking to each other. We would stay up past a reasonable time just to talk to each other. We were so in love that no matter how early we had work the next day we would still talk as the morning quickly approached. I couldn’t wait for a good morning text from you as you couldn’t wait for a good morning text from me. It felt like we were both teenagers all over again even though we were both in our 20’s. I felt like I couldn’t get enough of you. I felt as though I didn’t know what to do without you if you were to one day walk out of my life. Life seemed brighter than before. Nights seemed easier to go to sleep. Days seemed shorter because your name in my head was filled with thoughts of you.
“Can we talk…”
Deonte’ I don’t feel the same way like I did before about you. For some reason I don’t get that excitement that we once had when you first caught my eye. I was confused because everything was going good between us. Literally everyday seemed like summer since we were talking. Now everyday seemed like Winter after that. Of course I sobbed for days. I felt abandoned and alone. Out of all people I never thought that you would have made me feel this way. Before you left me you said, “Don’t get sad just thank God for the gift of love. Whenever you think about me don’t think about the breakup, but think about how much fun we had with each other and how good we made each other feel..” That even made me cry more.
“Can we talk…”
I didn’t respond when you texted me a week later. I realized that there was nothing there anymore. I realized that I deserve better and that I was worth more that the short amount of joy and happiness that you gave me. It was hard to move on from you of course. The hurt that you sent my way made me feel so low. I mean so low. Sometimes at random times in the night I would sock my pillow and fall back asleep because I didn’t see this coming. Ever since then I began to realize how strong I was. Its almost as if I needed to of met you in order to realize how strong, independent and courageous I could be without you in my life. I walk with my head high and I stride with confidence. Truth be told I loved you so much that if I passed by you in life I would probably look down and twiddle my fingers. I would probably look so fragile to you if you saw me because you and I both would be reminded of what we had. I would try my hardest to seem strong around you, but deep down inside you know how you made me feel. The sad part is that no matter how many sorry’s you say to me there is nothing else to give and there is nothing else that can draw me back to you. The fact that its broken and it will never be fixed.
I forgive you. I promise you that I do. It sometimes stings to know that it only lasted awhile. I realized that a good thing doesn’t last forever and we have to accept that fact. In order for me to move on I had to stop asking myself, “But why, how could they.. why would they?” I could ask myself those questions because I would never get the answer to them and I would have only been wasting my time. This whole situation has only pushed me closer to God. There’s nobody greater than God, and no matter who comes in and out of my life they will not distract me or push me away from the purpose that God has given me. I am only in charge of how I feel and how I act. At the end of the day I loved you out of a pure heart. Least I can walk away knowing that I gave it my all and I did my part. I learned that I need to be able to make myself feel all the ways you made me feel. Only I can make myself feel worth it and loved. If you keep looking for others to make you feel that way then you have nothing because once they leave they take your worth with them. Sometimes people come into your life just to teach you how strong you are by yourself.
At the end of the day I won and you loss.. you loss a good thing and that was me.
PS: If you are reading this I want to sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart for letting me go..