I Never Wanted Us To Become Strangers

sadAfter everything was said and done we reconnected. I loved you deeper than I’ve ever loved an individual. You literally knocked down the “do not disturb” sign in front of my heart and somehow you maneuvered into the deepest areas that nobody has ever reached. You walked out of my life with a simple sorry and I had to get use to not hearing from you throughout my day. I missed the times we would talk all day on the phone and you would genuinely care about how my day was, and how I was feeling. Somedays I will be caught in LA traffic on the 405 and you would just listen to me talk and talk. I would pause and say “Omg am I talking too much” and you would say “No I like listening to you.” I had to get use to you not being there anymore. One sad morning you woke up and said to me that your feelings have changed. All I could say was “Ok”. I learned thoughout my teenage years that you can’t force someone to stay no matter how much you beg and try for things to stay the same. It hurt because I knew that once you said that it was over there was no turning back or fixing.

Later on in life I found the strength to forgive you and once I did we realized that we wanted to try to become friends. We only wanted to be friends and nothing else. I was feeling optimistic about our future friendship because of how strong we were before. Sad to say, it didn’t feel the same. Somedays you would slip in an “I love you” but I didn’t feel that safety and home feeling behind it anymore. I could tell that we were both trying to force things to workout. I kept asking you over and over “Do you feel distant”. You would always tell me “No everything is fine.” The urge I had before was not the same to talk to you.

I missed that feeling. I felt like you were a stranger, and there was nothing I could do to change that feeling. We began to let things go and drifted off.

At least this was a life lesson. God taught me through this situation that I can be strong even when someone I make “EVERYTHING” leaves my life. Also, be careful of what you let go because sometimes you can’t repair something once its left for a period of time. Thirdly, feelings change they never stay the same. A person can tell you all night that they love you and then wake up in the morning and realize that everything they said was a mistake. Lastly, God is always there through the storms of life. When you feel that nobody loves you remember that God does and that will never change.

6 Comments Add yours

  1. my ksr blog says:

    this completely resonated with me ! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. deontetowner says:

      Praise God. I’m grateful to know that someone else has felt that way before. I hope you enjoy the other reads on my page.

      Like

  2. I remember feeling this way in my “younger” years. I think what I’ve learned as time has passed is that I have to fall in love with myself first, and to be devoted to my relationship with myself and with the Universe so that if a relationship does come, and go, that I am strong enough to learn from each relationship, and to use that experience in a way that makes a better, more compassionate, me. Thanks for sharing…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. deontetowner says:

      *drops mic* thank you so much for sharing your jewels of knowledge. You talking about your experience is going to empower so many others. I’m so grateful to have a reader that has been through the storms of life and that can further elaborate on the steps to take for healing.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. nagwa 🥀 says:

    this is beautifully written. i can relate to some extent. i thought i was the only one who felt this way but it’s great to know that i’m not alone. i hope everything is okay now. you learn eventually that not everyone is meant to stay in your life and your whole perspective on life changes. keep it up.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. deontetowner says:

      You are not alone. Let’s keep in touch and continue to pray for each other in this hard journey we call life. You can make it.

      Like

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