After everything was said and done we reconnected. I loved you deeper than I’ve ever loved an individual. You literally knocked down the “do not disturb” sign in front of my heart and somehow you maneuvered into the deepest areas that nobody has ever reached. You walked out of my life with a simple sorry and I had to get use to not hearing from you throughout my day. I missed the times we would talk all day on the phone and you would genuinely care about how my day was, and how I was feeling. Somedays I will be caught in LA traffic on the 405 and you would just listen to me talk and talk. I would pause and say “Omg am I talking too much” and you would say “No I like listening to you.” I had to get use to you not being there anymore. One sad morning you woke up and said to me that your feelings have changed. All I could say was “Ok”. I learned thoughout my teenage years that you can’t force someone to stay no matter how much you beg and try for things to stay the same. It hurt because I knew that once you said that it was over there was no turning back or fixing.
Later on in life I found the strength to forgive you and once I did we realized that we wanted to try to become friends. We only wanted to be friends and nothing else. I was feeling optimistic about our future friendship because of how strong we were before. Sad to say, it didn’t feel the same. Somedays you would slip in an “I love you” but I didn’t feel that safety and home feeling behind it anymore. I could tell that we were both trying to force things to workout. I kept asking you over and over “Do you feel distant”. You would always tell me “No everything is fine.” The urge I had before was not the same to talk to you.
I missed that feeling. I felt like you were a stranger, and there was nothing I could do to change that feeling. We began to let things go and drifted off.
At least this was a life lesson. God taught me through this situation that I can be strong even when someone I make “EVERYTHING” leaves my life. Also, be careful of what you let go because sometimes you can’t repair something once its left for a period of time. Thirdly, feelings change they never stay the same. A person can tell you all night that they love you and then wake up in the morning and realize that everything they said was a mistake. Lastly, God is always there through the storms of life. When you feel that nobody loves you remember that God does and that will never change.