I Tried Committing Suicide 3 Times

Your mind is telling you to

Kill yourself..

you’re not good enough…

no one loves you..

your life is meaningless..

you’re a failure..

You have no friends..

Nobody is going to miss you when you’re gone..

What you did is unforgivable and when everyone finds out what you did…you’re going to lose everything so you might as well end your life…

Those are just a few things that run through the human mind when the enemy is attacking us with all these demonic thoughts. That’s not even half the thoughts people think about on a daily bases. Can you imagine all the other nasty thoughts that the devil plunges on people? Sometimes in life we face demonic attacks and if we aren’t prayed up it is easy for our mind to believe all of those mean, nasty and ugly things.

My mom use to always tell me growing up not to forget who you are because if you forget who you are then it is easy to believe what someone says about you. I didn’t understand those words as a child, but those words became vitally important during my teenage years and up. During my high school years I was bullied very bad. I am not going to go over every single story but one day I was the MC at my local high school rally and students jumped on the stage while I had the mic in my hand slapping and beating me up. People from the crowd began laughing yelling “Beat him up..” and all kinds of hurtful derogatory terms I will not repeat. I was embarrassed, humiliated and depressed for years after that. There were nights I cried so much I began to lose my memory slowly. I would take a shower and then 5 minutes later jump back in because I forgot that I just took one. I was slowly losing my mind.

That summer I went to church camp and the youth minister helped me forgive my enemies and myself for some of the shameful things I told myself eternally. It took me years to forgive some people. The hardest part was forgiving myself as well. I had to make peace with myself and others that hurt me: letting them go out of my mind. I prayed in my room and rededicated my life to Christ.

My mom always told me to tell my bullies “GIVE ME 5 years…”

It’s been more than 5 years and now I am a high school teacher in Los Angeles in a low income area giving back to communities of color and a successful universal self published author. The reason why I announce my accomplishments is because if I had killed myself I wouldn’t be where I am at now. I wouldn’t be giving my students advice letting them know it’s going to be ok and dry those eyes and smile. I wouldn’t be able to blog about how God delivered me from the hands of the enemy. I had to go through all the hell to push me to where I am at now. All along God was allowing these things to happen to me so I can write this book and use my experience to help others. In order to relate to others you have to go through a lot.

Whatever you are going through right now at this present time don’t give up. You’re not going through all of this for no reason… you’re going through this because God wants to use you like never before in your next season. If you can get through this then you can get through anything. Look at me I am a living witness. Now when people laugh at me or mock me I just laugh. I can actually make fun of myself because I’m doing what I love every single day… so jokes on you! All the glory and honor belongs to God.

If you are interested in purchasing a copy my new book titled:

Pieces in the Dark: Turn the Light On 40% of my earnings are going towards my students education and school events.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/069210044X/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1523730286&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=Deonte%27+Earl+Towner&dpPl=1&dpID=41juw7yiiIL&ref=plSrch

28 Comments Add yours

  1. Awesome blog. I have tried to commit suicide myself several times. Today I am grateful that God protected me in spite of myself and although I still struggle with these feelings from time to time I have a Savior, a husband, friends and family who love me and support me. I have a very good therapist and I have medicine that treats the chemical imbalance in my brain. God is good. Even if you do not have one other person on this earth who loves you God loves you. That is why He sent his only Son to die on the cross and pay for our sins. All we need to do is ask God to forgive our sin and put all of our faith in Jesus- in nothing else and no one else and He becomes our Lord, our Savior and we become a child of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Every one of us has value and meaning and a purpose on this earth.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. deontetowner says:

      I am praising God with you. Whenever you need someone to talk to I am here for you. I always have my phone next to me. Just send over a message and I will pray with you. Let’s keep each other lifted in prayer. I am not sure if you heard.. but my new book is out. It relates to everything that I’ve been through. I am using 40% of my earnings to help my students in financial need by getting them school supplies. And sponsoring couples for prom and year books. https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/069210044X/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1523730286&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=Deonte%27+Earl+Towner&dpPl=1&dpID=41juw7yiiIL&ref=plSrch

      Like

  2. LeahNaomi says:

    Thank you for sharing, your post has truly touched me. Keep writing. God Bless!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. deontetowner says:

      God is so merciful and faithful. Hey Sis I wrote a book i am not sure if you know? 40 percent of my earnings are going to the needs of my students. I hope you’re able to purchase a copy. https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/069210044X/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1523730286&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=Deonte%27+Earl+Towner&dpPl=1&dpID=41juw7yiiIL&ref=plSrch

      Liked by 2 people

  3. [K]ristine says:

    I’ve never attempted to commit suicide but I’ve definitely had suicidial thoughts after getting out of an abusive relationship. I’m so glad you’re still here with us & glad to know you’re able to walk in your truth & do what you love. ❤️❤️❤️

    Liked by 2 people

    1. deontetowner says:

      I am shouting the victory! Thank you Jesus!! God is so faithful and true Sis.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. 90swriter says:

    It’s good to see you’re still here making waves. God has better plans for you. I’ve been in worse conditions. Getting out of a broken home and growing up with such tragic experiences led to chronic depression. I’m still healing but I’m glad I never let the devil take me away from
    My purpose. Stay strong and focused. God bless you for your sharing.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Awesome Blog…..Thank you…You give me streghtn.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. deontetowner says:

      Glory be to God the highest! Keep me updated on everything.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. My pleasure….have a blessed evening….

        Like

  6. Wow! Very inspiring blog continue to soar and be limitless love always all the way from Bahamas. ❤️🌻

    Liked by 2 people

    1. deontetowner says:

      Thank you so much for praying and lifting me up! God is good.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I never thought about suicide until after I had my brain surgery and realized it didn’t stop the pain and that I might spend my entire life in pain, with the inability to create new memories, and possible loss of function of my hands. It is amazing what we will believe when our current situation clouds our view of the cross and the One who saves. Now I am thankful that He has given me the strength to bear out this pain because I have an opportunity to maybe open some doors for other sufferers of brain trauma, so the pain is worth it. I have my bad days, but I am thankful even for them because I have made it through 100% so far! Thank you for sharing and validating my own feelings.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. deontetowner says:

      Your story is so touching. Thanks for sharing . I have been praying for you that God continues to comfort you!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Britt says:

    Thank you for sharing your story. Although I was not picked on to that extent, I too, hope to write a book in the near future that helps others.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. deontetowner says:

      All the glory belongs to God. I hope you’re able to purchase a copy. God is moving and he’s not sleeping.

      Like

  9. rêveuse says:

    Truely inspiring blog 😁

    Liked by 2 people

    1. deontetowner says:

      Thank you so much. I pray that you are able to purchase my book(:

      Liked by 1 person

      1. rêveuse says:

        Welcome 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

    1. deontetowner says:

      Praise God. I hope you’re able to purchase a copy of my book today(:

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I will soon. God Bless you! Keep going.

        Liked by 1 person

  10. beavoicefororphans says:

    Way to be a voice!!…
    https://suicidenotmyheart.wordpress.com

    Liked by 1 person

    1. deontetowner says:

      No thank you for taking the time to leave kind words. I hope you’re able to purchase a copy of my book today that hits on many of those topics.. https://www.amazon.com/Pieces-Dark-Deonte-Earl-Towner/dp/069210044X 40 percent of my earnings are going towards my students school supplies

      Like

  11. simplywendi says:

    So glad God delivered you………………and you are here as an advocate for others!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Very courageous of you to share these thoughts. Like you, I also work in education. It is great that from your experience you give back, and that you have written a book. Great to connect. Best wishes.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. deontetowner says:

      Thank you so much for your kind words. I hope you’re able to purchase a copy of my book today. Please let’s keep in touch.

      Like

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