Spring Cleaning: Friendships

Some friendships have ran its course. Sometimes letting go of certain people will hurt so much to the point no matter how many years pass when we begin to think of them our eyes will suddenly gloss up and the memories of all the good times will begin to flow. The beautiful part about it all is that we will never forget the life lessons that we learned from them in order to grow. So instead of being sad or mad, tell your past thank you! And continue to give God all the glory.

@deontetowner

Last week on Wednesday night I was up until 2AM thinking about the people in my life. I began taking friendship inventory and asking myself critical questions as I was thinking about each individual. The questions that I began asking myself inspired by the Holy Spirit were:

  1. Is this person I call my friend there for me as well when I need them? Or are they only in my life when they need advice and then leave?
  2. Does this friend accept who I am during bad times as well?
  3. Is this friend honest and true, or are they all about drama and causing chaos on social media and in real life?
  4. Does this person hold me accountable when I am wrong, or are they only telling me what I want to hear?
  5. When someone is talking about me do they indulge in the gossip, or do they stop it right then and there.
  6. Do my friends have my back when I am not around? OR, do they enjoy coming back to me and letting me know everything people have said about me.
  7. Do I feel emotionally, spiritually and mentally protected when I open up about my problems with my friends? OR, do I feel as though I have to watch everything that I say about them?
  8. Do my friends really know who I am, or do I have to hold back because of judgement?
  9. Are my friends reflections of who I am, or have I just got comfortable with just having them around?
  10. Are me and my friends helping each other get closer to God?

That night I was in my bed looking at the ceiling and then I got on my knees and began praying. God mentioned to me that nobody is perfect, but that does not give people the excuse to abuse the friendship. God also asked me to apply those questions to myself as well. Sometimes we forget to look in the mirror. We hold other people accountable but sometimes we forget to look at ourselves as well. God then began putting people in my spirit to let go gradually. I realized that some friendships have ran its course. Some people need to be let go out of our lives. Does that make the friendship fake? Of course not! Sometimes we need to let people go so they can grow. Does knowing that make it hurt any less? No, because all of the memories that we shared with them will forever be stuck in our heads. Sometimes letting go of certain people will hurt so much to the point no matter how many years pass when we begin to think of them our eyes will suddenly gloss up and the memories of all the good times will begin to flow. The beautiful part about it all is that we will never forget the life lessons that we learned from them in order to grow. So instead of being sad or mad, tell your past thank you! And continue to give God all the glory.

Isaiah 43 18-19

Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.

Amen.

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The Chaos On Social Media

Sometimes we are so focused on speaking out and raising awareness on social media to the point we forget about ourselves. Shocking headlines are taking over our lives and it is driving us to our limits. We forget who we are, we forget what gives us peace of mind, we forget about ourselves because we are so focused on making the world a better place.

@deontetowner

We have all experienced days where we think that all we need is some sleep and then we will be fine in the morning. Our days begin to seem longer than usual and it becomes hard to do anything even the things that we love. We get sleep but then we are still exhausted. I want to offer my advice to you and say take a social media break. That is something many people do not want to hear because we all have this love hate relationship with social media, but take a break. Sometimes we are too involved with the comment sections, going back and forth with people and intaking too much information. We forget to give our minds rest throughout the day. We live in a world of articles constantly being thrown at us. Shocking headlines are taking over and it is driving us to our limits.

You need to create balance in your life. Sometimes we are so focused on speaking out and raising awareness to the point that we forget about ourselves. We forget who we are, we forget what gives us peace of mind, we forget about ourselves because we are so focused on making the world a better place. There is nothing wrong with speaking out but if you are not taking care of yourself you will burn out. You will find yourself running on empty and you will be less effective.

The Benefits of Taking A Break

When you take a break…

  1. You spend more time with God. A relationship with God is the most important connection that you can ever have. Sometimes being on social media too much can cause you to pray less and you’ll find yourself not reading your bible as much.
  2. You give yourself time to reflect and come up with solutions that you did not think about before.
  3. You give your mind, spirit and body rest. Remember there is only one of you, and we were not made to carry the world on our shoulders.
  4. You begin to connect with yourself all over again.
  5. You set time aside to do what makes you happy. You find yourself experiencing joy like old times.
  6. You spend time with people you love and the conversations are about things outside of what is going on in the world and not from social media.
  7. You get more sleep and you give your mind rest.
  8. You find yourself doing new things that you didn’t make time to do before.
  9. You begin listening to yourself more. The voices in your head are not as loud as before because of all the comments and post that you seen on social media minutes before.
  10. You discover the importance of YOU and reconnect with other purposes that you have on earth that God has been trying to make you aware of.

After reading all these pros of taking a break off social media feel free to contact me or comment below to share your experience of taking a break OR other pros of taking a break that you found meaningful.

Isaiah 40:31  but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Amen.

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Do You Struggle with Seeking Approval and Validation from people?

Don’t go through life seeking approval from other people. You don’t need their validation. You are good enough. Trying to be who everyone wants you to be will drain you mentally and spiritually. Know who you are in God because if you don’t then you will find yourself constantly trying to prove you are worth it. When you were formed God made you into his image and that should be enough.

@deontetowner

Don’t go through life seeking approval from other people. You don’t need their validation. You are good enough. Trying to be who everyone wants you to be will drain you mentally and spiritually. Your relationship with God will become distant and strained if you don’t block out the world. It is so important to know who you are in God because if you don’t then you will find yourself constantly trying to prove you are worth it. When you were formed God made you into his image. You are a powerful spiritual being. There is so much greatness inside of you, to the point you have yet to discover it. Everyday you should get excited because God is working out so many things in your life to be used for his glory. All the trials and tribulations that you are going through right now is only because he is strengthening you to be able to handle the next assignment that he has for you in your life.

When you pray today ask God, “What is my purpose? Why do you have me here on this earth? What makes me different from everyone else?” When God has a calling over your life you will never be able to fit in. You are different from everyone else. You can’t go and do everything all your friends are doing. Yes it may feel lonely at times but the call from our heavenly Father is over your life. Don’t worry about people not understanding you, just know that God does. God will always send someone in your life that will teach, guide and pick you up when you fall. He will provide a friend along the way. But on this day get excited and open up your heart willing and ready to receive the assignment God has for your life. And if you are reading this and have fell off and are struggling to get back on course with God just know that its not too late. God was waiting for you all along. Lift up your hands right now and say “Lord here I am.”

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5

Amen.

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Should I Stay Or Leave the Relationship?

Sometimes we imagine our whole life with a person but then it all comes to an end when they don’t live up to the expectations they’ve promised us. Humans are humans and just because someone promises us forever does not mean that it will last forever.. as you mature you begin to realize that even though something didn’t last forever does not mean it wasn’t real.

@deontetowner

One of the hardest things to endure at night is trying to figure out if you should stay or leave the relationship. Sometimes we catch ourselves calling our friends for advice and loved ones explaining the situation not knowing what to do. We go from person to person asking for advice and then later become more confused after each conversation because everyone is giving us their personal opinion but our emotions and heart are pointing in different directions. We don’t want to leave but yet we want to stay because of everything that we have experienced with that person. We are tired of the way they treat us, we don’t want to deal with the stress of keeping them around in our lives, but then that still small voice inside of us says that they might change. We hold on to potential but yet we are still learning to look at reality and see people for who they truly are and not who we want them to be. Love can be so confusing especially when we’ve invested so much in the person.

Sometimes we imagine our whole life with a person but then it all comes to an end when they don’t live up to the expectations they’ve promised us. Humans are humans and just because someone promises us forever does not mean that it will last forever.. as you mature you begin to realize that even though something didn’t last forever does not mean it wasn’t real. As you experience your ups and downs, times of confusion and emotional roller coasters with a person.. ask God for advice and always seek him in prayer. He is the only one that knows your future and through reading the word he will give you perfect advice. Yes, God put humans in our lives to guide us but sometimes they just don’t know the right answer when it comes to certain matters of the heart.

Tonight I am praying for anyone out there struggling with their feelings. I pray that God gives you clarity on what to do and that you find strength to accept the truth and follow his will for your life. Now go get some rest, stop asking everyone for advice and just depend on God.

Psalms 145:18 The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.

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Lack of Communication Hurts

Don’t get someone not knowing how to communicate with you mixed up with them not loving you.

@deontetowner

Don’t get someone not knowing how to communicate with you mixed up with them not loving you. We have to learn that people are who they are, and everyone is different. It is important to allow people to be themselves, and realize that setting high expectations for a person will ruin a friendship or relationship. It is not fair to want someone to be who we want them to be. Not everyone wants to talk on the phone everyday, some friends and loved ones only want to talk once a month. Does that mean they love you any less? No! Don’t allow your mind to tell you that you aren’t loved by them. Sometimes when we don’t get the communication that we want we begin to feel unwanted, but in most cases that friend or loved one just needs time to get their mind right. OR, the way you communicate isn’t how they operate.

Sometimes we want people to be open and transparent but some people rather be a closed book. You may get frustrated because you want them to talk about the issues that they are facing in their life, but they may not be ready. Some people only want to let you know a little bit and then they retreat back to being closed again. It is important to be gentle with each soul that we meet in this world. Remember not to take everything personal. Sometimes people need distance to recharge. And if they don’t reply back to the text, or return your call right away.. don’t forget that everyone is dealing with life and their own personal problems. Some situations are different! Some people only want to reach out when they need you, and when you are dealing with a friendship like that then you may need to have a sit down with that person because in a friendship it is important for both people to spiritually feel each other up not use you when it is convenient for them.

Also, as years go by and I’ve realized that everyone isn’t where you are at mentally. The best you can do is continue to pray for your friends, loved ones and your partner that maybe struggling in this season. God has put you in the lives of others to serve and be a friend. I know it can get frustrating at times but God will bless you for your faithfulness. Through all that you go through remember that the heart of life is good. No matter how people treat you, don’t allow that to take away your pure spirit and heart of loving people.

1 Peter 4: 8-10

8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 9 Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. 10 Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.

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Tired of Everything

Sometimes in life we become tired of everything. We become tired of having to wake up on time for work, tired of answering phone calls and text, tired of striving and going after goals, tired of putting effort into our relationships with people, tired of obligations and deadlines, tired of schedules and upcoming events. We become mentally and physically drained by the everyday life.

@deontetowner

Sometimes in life we become tired of everything. We become tired of having to wake up on time for work, tired of answering phone calls and text, tired of striving and going after goals, tired of putting effort into our relationships with people, tired of obligations and deadlines, tired of schedules and upcoming events. We become mentally and physically drained by the everyday life. We even get tired of doing the things that we love at times. We become so tired of even explaining to people of how we are feeling on the inside.

Sometimes we can lay in bed and just have no motivation to get up. We get to a point in our life where all we want to do is eat, crawl back in bed and go to sleep. Everything going on in the world can have a huge impact on our mood. Seeing people dying on the news, people protesting and the hardships people all around the world are going through can cause us to lose touch of the good things in life. You find yourself crying and not knowing where to start in explaining your feelings. Your mind begins to go in all directions and everyday begins to become everyday. The repeat of life is becoming hard on your emotional well being. Life begins to feel like there is no excitement and all of a sudden from all the tiredness you begin to question your purpose.

If you are feeling tired of everything I pray that God continues to give you strength. Do not give up. God gives us strength when we are weak. We have to remember to call on the name of Jesus Christ every chance we get especially in the morning before we start our day. We must pray and read the Bible. The word of God is living and breathing and that is the only way we will gain strength and energy. When we start depending on our own strength and might that is when things begin to go downhill. Only God can give us hope, faith, and life! We must put everything in Gods hands and constantly listen to his voice. We must detach from everything in the world. Log off social media sometimes, stop answering phone calls for awhile and quite ourself so that we can listen to what God is trying to tell us. And I promise you that after you get off your knees and finish lifting up your hands seeking God, you will feel better than you did before you began praying. I love you my brother and sister in Christ.

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Random Thoughts of Sadness

When will I stop having sad thoughts? When will my past stop trying to creep into my mind? When will I stop wrestling against my mind and emotions?

@deontetowner

Do you ever have random sad thoughts throughout your day or night for no reason? Maybe the thought is a failed relationship from the past, imagining someone you love die, past trauma you moved on from but still trying to stay alive in your present, or maybe a thought driven by anxiety of unrealistic scenarios to bring more pain and worry into your life.

I have realized that many of these thoughts are rooted from the devil in the spiritual realm. The devil wants to hold us captive. He doesn’t want us to live free in Jesus Christ. He wants us to constantly live in fear. Everyday we must fight against the evil one. We must remind ourselves through prayer and the strength of Jesus Christ we are healed from our past. It can be very challenging and exhausting when all you want to do is be happy. You maybe reading this wondering “When will I stop having sad thoughts. When will my past stop trying to creep into my mind. When will I stop wrestling against my mind and emotions?” The answer is that God will give us power to rebuke those negative thoughts that try to stir us from the right direction. The more we draw closer to God the easier it is to fight. We have to depend totally on him and not our own ways or strength. The more you try to fight the devil by yourself the harder it becomes. God makes us strong when we are weak. God fights every single battle that we come against.

The goal of the devil is to kill, steal and destroy. The devil knows that God has great things in store for you, so he is trying to get into your mind in any way. If he cannot go through the front door he will go through the side door, and if he can’t go through the side door he will come through the roof. When you are living for Jesus Christ all those doors are blocked by the Holy Spirit. The devil is a coward and he knows what triggers your mood, but when God is in control of your whole being no trick the devil tries to throw at you can cause you to lose your relationship with God. Next time you have a sad thought put your hand on your head and chest, say “I rebuke you in the name of Jesus Christ. The blood of Jesus rebuke you.” Amen

If you would like to purchase my Poetry and Prose books click on Menu and then the Books tab for more information. OR, you can go to Amazon and search up my newest book Fading Into the Clouds by Deonte’ Earl Towner.

Valentine’s Day Blues

I know Valentines Day can be challenging because you are single, your relationship is on the rocks, or the pain from the break up is still fresh and there is no joy on this day for you, but use this day to celebrate the love that God has placed inside your heart and remind yourself how strong you are despite all that tried to break you. 

@deontetowner

“Nobody loves me. Something must be wrong with me because I am single once again on Valentines Day.”

“I hate myself. I am such a LONER”

“Everyone seems so happy but me.”

“Why can’t I be in a relationship like everyone else on Valentines Day.”

Do not allow this day to make you feel sad. Don’t feel ashamed because you are the only one in your friend group that is single. Or, you may have just walked out of a relationship and you are used to spending it with them all these years. I know Valentines Day can be challenging because you are single, your relationship is on the rocks, or the pain from the break up is still fresh and there is no joy on this day for you, but use this day to celebrate the love that God has placed inside your heart and remind yourself how strong you are despite all that tried to break you. Use this day to celebrate the love that you have given out to friends, family, strangers and yourself. Don’t allow this day to rob you of your peace and joy. Stop comparing your life to every couple on social media. Stop thinking that you would be happier if you were in a relationship. Stop wanting what everyone has. God has someone specially designed just for you. He has someone that will be able to love you despite your flaws and shortcomings, but you have to be still and stand on his word.

Do something special on Valentines Day. Go to the park, beach, watch some Netflix or walk around the city and take pictures. There are so many single people in the world, and you are not the only one. I bet you have single friends too! Have a social distance meet up with one of your friends. Make a bucket list and do all the things you love to do, and if you can’t find someone do those things with then do them yourself. God has brought you too far in your emotions to sit around, sulk and feel sorry for yourself. Celebrate how much stronger you are ever since the pandemic. Celebrate that you are alive, healthy and doing your best to hold it together.

So next time you have a sad thought hold your head up high, smile and lift up your hands and begin to thank God for another year of life. You deserve so much on Valentines Day. Go to your favorite bakery, buy yourself some chocolates, brownies and flowers. Hug your loved ones, and Facetime those that you haven’t called in awhile, you may get emotional and cry but let them know how much you love and appreciate them. Please do not sell yourself short this Valentines Day, but instead celebrate life and love. JESUS LOVES YOU!

If you would like to purchase my Poetry and Prose books click on Menu and then the Books tab for more information. OR, you can go to Amazon and search up my newest book Fading Into the Clouds by Deonte’ Earl Towner.

When God Tells You to Let Go of Something You Love

Sometimes you have to be willing to walk away from the things we love in order to get closer to God.

@deontetowner

At some point in our lives we must ask ourselves the critical question “What do I need to let go of?” Some of us need to let go of people, things, places or even habits/traditions that we hold dear to our hearts. In order to get closer to God we have to obey God when he speaks. We should not allow anything to get in the way of our relationship with God. Some of the things that we deem as important are sometimes hindering us from our blessing. That open door we have been praying for is right there but in order to walk into our blessing we have to be willing to let go. God has placed a calling on all of our lives, but one thing about God is that he gives us choice and he won’t force us to do anything that we aren’t willing to do.

Do you love God enough to let it go?

That’s a personal question that we have to ask ourselves, and most importantly be real about our conversations with God. God knows when we are telling the truth, and he knows when we are only saying things to sound “good”. God searches the heart, but he also understands that we are human. If you are not willing to let that “it” go, then ask God to change the desires of your heart. Ask him to give you the strength and the WANT to let it go. I promise you that God will come through and deliver you from those struggles that we held on to for so long. Whatever that “it” is, God is bigger and stronger than anything. At the end of this post begin to pray and ask God “What do I need to let go for your glory?” It is a scary question because he will reveal it to us, but it is vitally important for our spiritual growth.

Isaiah 43 18-19 “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”

If you would like to purchase my Poetry and Prose books click on Menu and then the Books tab for more information. OR, you can go to Amazon and search up my newest book Fading Into the Clouds by Deonte’ Earl Towner.

Too Hurt To Open Up

Sometimes when you’ve been hurt so many times you forget how to open up again.

@deontetowner

The older I get the more I begin to realize that God didn’t create us to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. Why do we often put all these responsibilities and burdens on ourselves? We often feel in times of sadness that we cannot cry in front of everyone because we have to be that “strong support system”. When our friends are going through a crisis we tend to be that friend that listens to all of their problems and take it in, but when we are in time of need it seems as though nobody is there for us because they think that we can carry it on our own. Deep down inside sometimes we are too afraid to open up because we do not want anyone to think that we are weak. We fear that after we unload people may see us as “crazy”. Or sometimes we have pushed others away so much to the point they don’t know how to be there for us.

I am learning that no matter how strong we are. No matter how brave or hard we act in front of others.. we still have emotions. We still need the same support and love that we give back to others. It takes time to allow people fully in especially when we are not used to being vulnerable in front of others. We allow people to let it all out, and we give some of the best advice but then we fail to take in the advice that we give others. We have to learn that it is okay and God want’s us to connect to other human beings on an emotional level. We have to stop shutting everyone out, but I am guilty of having a wall up at times. Sometimes we have been hurt by people so much that we build towers upon towers so that people can’t get too close to us. We allow them in, but not too much. Just enough for our comfort! Who else is guilty?

Pray and ask God to slowly take down the wall, the bridge, that huge Eiffel Tower that took you years to complete in front of your heart. It is important to have a healthy wall up, but not so big to the point you are keeping everything in. Everyone is not the enemy. There are some people out there that truly care about you. Through prayer and reading the word of God he will reveal those that you need to watch out for. Through time God will help you let go of the pain so that you can begin to heal. Even if the pain doesn’t go away fully, Jesus Christ will give you the strength and power to make it through every day. He will give you the courage to use your life as a testimony to help others. Just remember it all takes time. We are in this together.

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