Too Hurt To Open Up

Sometimes when you’ve been hurt so many times you forget how to open up again.

@deontetowner

The older I get the more I begin to realize that God didn’t create us to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. Why do we often put all these responsibilities and burdens on ourselves? We often feel in times of sadness that we cannot cry in front of everyone because we have to be that “strong support system”. When our friends are going through a crisis we tend to be that friend that listens to all of their problems and take it in, but when we are in time of need it seems as though nobody is there for us because they think that we can carry it on our own. Deep down inside sometimes we are too afraid to open up because we do not want anyone to think that we are weak. We fear that after we unload people may see us as “crazy”. Or sometimes we have pushed others away so much to the point they don’t know how to be there for us.

I am learning that no matter how strong we are. No matter how brave or hard we act in front of others.. we still have emotions. We still need the same support and love that we give back to others. It takes time to allow people fully in especially when we are not used to being vulnerable in front of others. We allow people to let it all out, and we give some of the best advice but then we fail to take in the advice that we give others. We have to learn that it is okay and God want’s us to connect to other human beings on an emotional level. We have to stop shutting everyone out, but I am guilty of having a wall up at times. Sometimes we have been hurt by people so much that we build towers upon towers so that people can’t get too close to us. We allow them in, but not too much. Just enough for our comfort! Who else is guilty?

Pray and ask God to slowly take down the wall, the bridge, that huge Eiffel Tower that took you years to complete in front of your heart. It is important to have a healthy wall up, but not so big to the point you are keeping everything in. Everyone is not the enemy. There are some people out there that truly care about you. Through prayer and reading the word of God he will reveal those that you need to watch out for. Through time God will help you let go of the pain so that you can begin to heal. Even if the pain doesn’t go away fully, Jesus Christ will give you the strength and power to make it through every day. He will give you the courage to use your life as a testimony to help others. Just remember it all takes time. We are in this together.

If you would like to purchase my Poetry and Prose books click on Menus and then the Books tab for more information.

Overthinking, Depression, Anxiety During the Pandemic.

Some people have been holding in their pain for so long that if they finally open up they wouldn’t know where to start and the pain would be so deep the tears may never stop flowing.

@deontetowner

Sometimes our mind will tell us that we aren’t good enough, no one loves you, you are all alone, just give up, won’t you just stop trying, you will never reach your dreams, why do you look like that, you are never going to move on and the later it gets at night sometimes our thoughts become darker. We have all been through so much trauma in our life. Some of us have been through things that we would never tell anyone because people will either look at us different or the pain is so deep we would never stop crying if we had the words to express what’s deep down inside of our hearts. Some of us have so many sad stories that we would probably cry uncontrollably because we have held it in for so long.

During this pandemic so many people have been experiencing depression and anxiety. Our anxiety and depression was bad before but now it is at an all time high for most people. I have learned to just pray and depend on God. I realized that if I keep allowing my mind to play tricks on me then I will never become all that God has created me to be. I also learned that during this time it is perfectly fine to be alone. Sometimes we have to be alone in order to hear from God. God want’s us all to be still in this season. Sometimes we are so used to moving very fast and keeping ourselves busy that we aren’t dealing with what is going on the inside of us. Sometimes we keep ourselves busy so we don’t have to put up with our thoughts. I have realized that we have all done this before. Instead of tackling our problems we make excuses about how busy we are, but I believe that God is dealing with each and every one of us.

After this pandemic is over, not sure when it will be but I believe that we are all going to come out spiritually stronger and better. Every time your anxiety is creeping up begin to pray and call out the Blood of Jesus Christ. Don’t allow your depression and anxiety to take you under. Don’t allow your thoughts to drown out all the amazing things God has said about you. You are greater. After this pandemic is over, not sure when it will be but I believe that we are all going to come out spiritually stronger and better. Every time your anxiety is creeping up begin to pray and call out the Blood of Jesus Christ. Don’t allow your depression and anxiety to take you under. Don’t allow your thoughts to drown out all the amazing things God has said about you. You are greater.

If you would like to purchase my Poetry and Prose books click on Menus and then the Books tab for more information.